in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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