You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
