I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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