your parents love me but you hate me
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
