I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
