you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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