strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My liver just had a heart attack.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
