quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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