My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
