I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
