when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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