The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
