She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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