I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
