I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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