Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
