Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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