Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
