There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
