Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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