highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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