My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
