Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
