K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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