i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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