I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
