So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
that may or may not have been my penis.
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