She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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