nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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