I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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