Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
