it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
