:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
