someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
