If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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