When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
