So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize