You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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