my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
