guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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