I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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