can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
