alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
