you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
