Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
