Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
