I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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