Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I love you. Go after that dick
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