Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
