this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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