i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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