Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
