Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
