On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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