you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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