I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
