my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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