If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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