I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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