im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
