I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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