So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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