The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
