Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
