I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
