How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
